A Fabulously Flawed Life

Honestly, I'm not one that likes change.  {{gasp!}}  I know, I know.  You wouldn't think so considering how often I change my hair, how often I redesign Tip Junkie, and the fact that I'm in social media {which changes weekly}. So when Oprah announced that she was starting her OWN network {{bwaahaa on the pun}}  I was happy for her but bummed for change. Yes, I am a HUGE Oprah fan!  Why?  Well, there are many reasons but the biggest is that she empowers women.  I was a new mommy when she was doing her "self-help" series of shows and I really needed it during that time in my life.  Quite frankly, she was the only one there day in and day out - telling me that I can be my best self!  I just adore her for that. She has many new shows but the one that I'm really excited about is " Master Class ".  It's a biography series that shares hard-won insight from extraordinary achievers whose paths have inspired Oprah—and countless others. ...

Yes, I believe in evolution. Not the kind where we have evolved from monkeys, but the kind that slowly happens over time as you overcome your trials and find your purpose in life. I'm an "all or nothing" kind of gal. So when when I first started blogging three years ago, my goal was to make my blog as close to my real life as possible. Well, as my blogs and sites have evolved my free time has too. I was no longer able to keep my goal for my personal blog and with that came consequences. Since I couldn't blog the way I wanted to - I went private. Since going private, I have really missed the "deadline" that sort of comes when being accountable for updating a blog. I've actually missed a lot of the perks of having a personal blog. Therefore, I decided to completely reinvent it to reflect myself as I am now - and stop trying to keep it to where I was at in 2007. So it's out with the old... and in with the new thanks to Kreated by Kelsey who d...

To my lovely blog readers of almost 3 years, I have come to realize that my personal blog is no longer a true representation of my life and therefore I have decided to make it private in a few days. I first wanted to give you a heads up, tell you thank you for all your support, and officially tell you good-bye. {{teary}} Due to lack of time and nurturing, it has turned more into a grateful journal of sorts only highlighting events and the fun things I do with my family. For many outside reasons, it no longer fully reflects my thoughts, my joys, my trials, and people I adore. Personally, I feel that to continue in this manner will only be detrimental to an ideal that I hold dear and try to live by daily. Which is to live an authentic life, create your own experience, and fulfill your purpose. I don't believe that you should try to live up to a certain image or be what others want you to be. However, after reading several of my thrown together blog posts, I can totally see how th...

These days I spend so much time on the computer for work, that it takes extra effort to find the motivation to stay on it to update my personal blog. I have felt the need to post about my 1 year anniversary from back surgery for quite a while - but haven't been in the right place emotionally do it. You see, I don't look back - I blaze forward. In life I take the hits, try to process what happened, quickly pick myself up, and if necessary change course. I'm not sentimental, I don't keep memento's, and I let go of things and people who bring me down. Typically, I don't look back. I think the reason is because it's flat out too hard to do so. This morning, I was trying to get through my insanely full inbox of e-mail when I read one from my sister, Lisa . She's finally posting about her latest journey {{whoohoo!!}} and at the end linked to her post when she came up to help take care of my family when I ruptured a disc in my back. In that post she quot...

My siser has been doing a lot of testing, cleanses, and cranial therapy the last year to try to heal her body so she can get pregnant. At one of her visits the assistant suggested that she call this Psychic to find out what's wrong with her "plumbing". Lisa finally decided to call and got an impressive reading. My biggest fear lately is "what's next"? Since last year was 12 months of one huge trial after another, I've become a bit worrisome for the future. I mean really, how much bad juju can one girl take! Therefore, I decided to take the plunge and call the Psychic as well. What do I have to loose? Here's what she said: * I've been doing a lot of serious thinking lately. True. I've been debating the pros and cons of putting myself more in the public eye and pursuing speaking engagements. I've been concerned with the added stress to my family and trying to make sure this is really my purpose in life. * I have a smart man in m...

I've got to tell you about my latest Blog Crush! Yes, I get them often in real life and in blog land. I can't help but adore the fabulous women who come into my life. The latest blogger that I'm sweet on is Simple Mom . I no longer have the time to read blogs, but I can't get enough of her so I've subscribed to her RSS feed via e-mail. I get daily dose of inspiration and words of wisdom via my inbox. We live very different lifestyles as her goal is to simplify life and mine is to embellish it. {{giggle}} However, I swear Simple Mom and I are on the same life path as almost all of her posts lately are what I've been thinking about! Her post last week on The Great Myth is a subject that I am going to speak on at SITScation in October. There's no way I could say is as eloquently as she did, so you'll have to check out her post. I also get asked the question quite frequently, "How do you balance it all?" in real life and via blogs. Just l...

Wendy and I are at our neighborhood pool with all our kids, minding our own business, when we hear the lifeguards whistle and ask that everyone get out of the pool. This is actually a common occurrence at our community as I believe the teenage lifeguards have way to much control. They close the pool down due to weather and urban legend "fecal matter" excuses all the time. I've believed for some time that the lifeguards are secretly working together to get the day off. Today they proved it! In fact they owned up to it when they all decided that they would close down the pool because they are going to STRIKE! No, I'm not kidding. Apparently the company they work for, which our association sub-contracted to run the pool, isn't paying them their proper wages. {{like I give a crap}} You can imagine my reaction when an 18 year old tells me that I need to leave because he's not being paid properly. I told him that he doesn't have the authority to close the p...

Lately I feel like I've been bombarded with problems, nothing huge or even worth complaining about. A couple of these issues alone would be no big deal and life would go on as normal. However, with having them all at the same time I've become a little overwhelmed. It's nothing I can't handle and I even hesitated blogging about it. I decided to because these small issues have completely dominated my thoughts. It seems like for months I've been putting out fires only to have new ones sparking the flame. It's highly annoying. I'm the kind of chick that likes to take care of things on my own and I rarely ask for help. Yes, it's a total pride thing and I promise I'm trying to kick the habit. After feeling defeated I realized that it was past time to take it to my Heavenly Father in prayer. I have a huge testimony of prayer. To be honest, I felt a little dumb that I hadn't talked to him about these issues before but since their so small individu...

Have any of you been keeping up with NieNie's recovery ? I headed over there after a conversation with a twitter friend. Her words are heartbreaking, enlightening, and motivating all at the same time. Man, that girl is incredible. As I read, I kept thinking to myself what a gift at expressing herself. I've drawn such strength reading her blog. Personally, I always recoil while going through a difficult trial. I don't reach out and express what I am feeling. Instead I turn inward, grasping for all the strength I can muster then plow forward with my head down. It's not until afterward that I can allow myself a voice and reflection. At best I give myself a day or two to let it sink in, process it, and make life changes before it's old news and I'm back to the grind. I barely talked about my back surgery and recovery once I was up and around again. Only a handful of people even know the gravity of pain I experienced and the toll it took on my family. I stil...

Sometimes I just feel the need to cry. In real life I wouldn't consider myself a crier. Sure I have my moments when I'm overwhelmed with emotion but for the most part I suck it up and keep moving forward. With that said, every once in a while I need a good cry. It might be due to stress, child woe's, or even Aunt Vera. When this happens I turn to my trusty movie, "When a Man Loves a Woman". **This is in no way a recommendation** I am in no way suggesting that you queue it up in your Netflix. It's gritty and heavy. However, this movie always makes me cry. The year the movie came out is an important one in my life and brings back many memories. It's also about a mother who struggles, completely tanks her life, and finds her way back. For what ever reason, I really enjoy it. It speaks to me and keeps me focused. I cry like a Turk newborn and can completely let go all the emotion I have bottled up inside. It also inspires me to be the wife and mother...

Do you ever get to the point where you have so much to say, that you can't say anything at all? The past several months my head has been spinning with ideas, blog posts, things to share, feelings, upsets, and drama. But what do I do with it? Nothing. Why? Chalk it up to fatigue, time, interest, lack of eloquence, attention span, it could even be all of these things. Somewhere along the road I've lost my voice, my right-fighting (the good kind not the destructive type), my passion, and fight to be heard. I've become... Complaisant. Alas, it is true and as you can tell I have lost my voice on my personal blog. The difference is, that I know exactly the reason this has happened. I can no longer tell my story the way I want to. I know you hard-core-long-time-bloggers are disagreeing with me and you can leave your comments and tell me how you deal with it. But now that everyone I know reads my blog, it's no longer fun. Lisa (my sister) and I talk about this all the time, the...

Since today is most likely the last day I have without Drake or any other pressing "to do's", I feel the need to sit down in my quiet home and document a little of my experience the past 2 months. We all have trials, most are ongoing struggles that we suffer in silence as we navigate this thing called life. However, along with those, I have the tendency to have to learn from the big ones as well. You know, the ones that are so obvious that you can't keep silent and everyone can see them and judge for themselves. I wouldn't have considered myself a private person, until this experience. I mean, I'm a blogger! I put how I feel and what I'm doing on the Internet for heaven's sake. ;) However, I've realize that I am very private during my darkest hours. Not because I care what people will think but because I no longer have anything to give. The past several months have shaped me, have changed me, and have awakened me in many ways. I'm still trying ...

{{this is my reality and my perception}} Last week, three different people gave me a little insight to their perception of what I contribute to their lives. To sum it up, I fell short. At first, I felt completely defensive. In my head I was saying, "Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea of how much I accomplish each day? Do you have any idea of how busy and complicated my life is? " Then I remembered what Dr. Phil said, "No matter what happens in your life, how you interpret that event is up to you." Each conversation got me thinking and finally I realized that this is their reality and therefore important. This is how they interpreted my actions. They can't help how they feel and I should be glad that they felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I've always known that I'm terrible at managing expectations and lately I've been too tired to even try. As a result, it turns out that I have taken for granted some o...

This is why I'm always busy. {{sigh}} What are you doing this morning?

"Yes" - Party Supply Store helper "Yes" - Party supply store cashier "Yes" - Party City cashier "Yes" - Garden Ridge cashier "Yes" - Returns clerk "Yes" - Male stranger in waiting area "Yes" - Hair Stylist "Yes" - Strange lady looking at me weird "Yes" - Wal-mart cashier Yes. I have three boys. Yes. I wanted a girl. No. I'm not trying again, I already tried 3 times. {{I can take a hint}} Yes. They are busy. Yes. I am tired. {{Now stop looking at me like that! I don't need your pity! I love them dearly and am happy I have them! You should be happy for me too, dammit! I'm tired of answering the same questions! Find something more original to say to me!}} Geeze! I need to have a shirt made.

This week Jason's been out of town and I've been on my own in the most stressful week I've had in a while. I thought it would be fun to do a week wrap up while playing "Good Mom/Bad Mom". Why? That's just my life right now. I can't win. I usually screw something up while doing something fun for my boys. Bad Mom - Since Monday was a holiday, I lost an entire day of preparation. I shampooed my carpets Tuesday morning, which meant that I had to take all the boys with me to run errands Tuesday afternoon. They hated it! Good Mom - I couldn't find Indiana Jones hats for less than $6/ea for Dylan's party. However, while we were shopping, I found some plastic gangster hats on clearance. Dylan was upset when I bought them because they weren't brown. {{unbeliever}} So I spray painted them brown and v oila ! Bad Mom - I lost Toby. Yep! While cleaning out the garage, I let him come out and hang with me. I thought I was keeping a good eye on him. But qui...

It's official, our IRS audit is now over! It's been 16 weeks of stress, worry, and negotiation. We ended up hiring our accountant to represent us and she did her job. We ended up owing the IRS $0.00. "I am Vindicated! I am selfish I am wrong I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along! And I am flawed {{oh so true}} But I am cleaning up so well..." I knew that Jason and I are honest in our business dealings and we didn't take advantage of gray area deductions. I knew that this audit was completely unjustified. I'm not going to dwell on the small fortune it took to get to this point. I'm just going to feel blessed it wasn't worse. I have felt completely powerless and victimized and am so glad it is over. I feel a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I am relieved. {{teary}}

Well, it has officially happened. I have bit off more than I can chew. Let's be honest, it was only a matter of time. {{wink}} With everything breaking around me - my camera, my taxes, my car, a leak in my roof, my sprinkler system, Drake's head - of course it would be time for my phone. My phone (a.k.a life line) has been on the fritz for some time. However, as of last Wednesday it would not even turn on when plugged in! This is my 3rd phone (same make & model) I have worn out. Geeze! So, it's time to make some changes and take control of my chaotic life. Another problem I'm having is the more Tip Junkie regulars I get - the more e-mails I get - the more requests & favors I get asked - the less time I have. It's become a real problem. I am not complaining. It's a blessing that so many women share my passion and I am glad to help anyone that needs it. However, since it's causing stress that I can no longer control - I have had to implement an auto re...

I blog-jacked this song off Lisa's blog . It explains how I've been feeling this week - life's seeing what I'm made of. Unfortunately, I can barely stand it. Currently this is what my study looks like. I've had the most stressful week I've had in quite some time. And that's saying something! To get you up to speed, we are currently going through an IRS audit. Just my luck. It gets better. Here's the conversation I had over the phone, (following said in a cheery and sweet voice from the auditor) "This isn't a normal audit. The IRS is developing a new software program and you have been randomly selected to participate. This will take 2 full days from 9-4 and we'll be going through your finances with a fine tooth comb ." WHAT!?! Yes, Ladies. 2006 was the first year we paid someone to do our taxes and the first year we'll be audited. It did take 2 days and will likely be many more. Just my luck. Just in case you're wondering here ar...